The 5 Love Languages

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You know how people say that folks show love in different ways? Well, that statement couldn’t be any more true. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship counselor, there are five love languages. Dr. Chapman is also the author of the entire The 5 Love Languages series. Basically, this book, rather this entire series (which has books for singles, couples, teenagers, separated/divorced people and children), talks about the different types of love languages, allows you to assess your love language as well as your spouses, child’s or parent’s and then gives you ways to make sure you show that other person love in their particular language. No language is necessarily better than the other, they are all just different.

I first learned about this book in church and then, when I was a senior in high school or freshman in college (can’t remember), I went and bought the book for myself and I started reading it and loving it. Then, when I met my now husband, we decided to read it together once we realized that we were serious about each other.

The first love language is Words of Affirmation. This is my primary love language (I say primary because my scores for WoA and QT were tied and I identify most with WoA)! Basically all this means is that for a person who has this love language, positive and encouraging words are how they understand love and how it should be shown to them. Here’s is how it’s explained after you take the assessment:

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

The second love language is Quality Time. This is my husband’s love language! This is self-explanatory, but just in case, here is how it is explained:

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

The third love language is receiving gifts. Now, this might sound a little off, but the gifts don’t have to necessarily be extravagant things. For me, I’d settle for a bag of hot cheetos and strawberry cream cheese. Ya know, something thoughtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

The fourth love language is Acts of Service. For this language, the phrase “actions speak louder than words” comes to mind.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

The last love language is Physical Touch.

Physical Touch
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

To me, these love languages say something interesting about al of us. I think this points to basic need to be loved and once we figured out our necessary love language, then we will know how to go about getting the love we need in order to better ourselves!

If you are interested in finding out your own love language, then click here, take the assesment and find out something new about yourself!

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